Love, oh sweet and dreadful love!
by Lady Knight Maud
Summary: For most people love is wonderful and exciting, but what about Jon? This is the story about how he discovered his love for Alanna and what he thought about it. AJ!


Thanks for encouraging me so much with you nice reviews. I decided to continue. But that may take a while because it's hard to write a long chapter just about feelings. But I guess the next chapter will come by next week.

**Cede:** Normally, I don't ask for a certain amount of reviews, but I wasn't sure how people would like this ff and it was also really hard to write this so I wanted to know if you would like me to continue. Anyway, I'm continuing now, thanks.

Hey, you want fluff? Here you are!

Summary: Didn't you ever ask yourself why Jon suddenly seemed like he had fallen in love with Alanna, when he kissed her the first time in her tent at the Drell River? What was that sudden change in his mind? Well, if you want to know, read my story.

The story is set on the evening when Alanna helped Thor to „go to sleep" and finally blanked out.

* * *

**Chapter 1: I'm not in love, am I?**

„Ouch", Jonathan sat up in his chair and looked down to see who, or what had bitten him. Their stood Faithful, his tail winced and Jonathan could see something in his purple eyes. Was is fear?

_Why isn't Faithful with Alanna? He's almost always with her. What happened?_, Jonathan thought. He wasn't able to think that over, because faithful had just run out of the tent and he necessarily wanted to follow him to find out what was going on.

It was hard for him to follow the cat, because he could hardly see him in the dark night. _What's got into him? _Suddenly a horrible idea hit him, he stopped and nearly lost sight of faithful. _What if Alanna is hurt? _This thought felt as if someone had stabbed him fair into his heart. Because this thought was still in his mind, he began to run. The last thing he wanted was to come too late, if she was really hurt.

After a while Faithful stopped near the river. Jonathan looked around. Then he saw her, lying next to a huge man. The air around her was glowing violet, the color of her gift. Jonathan gasped at the sight and his eyes widened. He had never been so scared in his life. Quickly he rushed to her side and kneeled down.

"Alanna!", he shouted. He didn't care if someone heard him saying her real name. All that mattered to him right now was to make sure she was alive. "Alanna, wake up!" He shook her several times but it was no use. Then he pressed her to his heart and looked up in the sky. _Please, don't let her die_, he begged the gods quietly, _Please! I'll do anything!_

Then laid one ear on her chest, listening for her heartbeat. There it was! Jonathan sighed of relief. She was still alive. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and looked at her for a few moments. Jonathan realized that something was different. For the first time in his life he saw her as a girl, a real girl, not just a friend or his squire.

But then again - It wasn't the first time. To be honest, it was the second. He remembered the night when she had worked at the healers' tent. They had rode on one horse together and she had been so near him. He could still exactly remember the feeling that had risen in him as Alanna had leaned against him. How fast his heart had beaten as she had snuggled against him was clear in his mind. It had been so….strange, foreign and new. He had never felt something like this. It had been nothing words can describe. He wondered if she had known how she had made him feel and if she had done it on purpose. Did she have the same feelings for him as he had for her?

Jonathan let out another sigh. He would have to deal with that later. Now it was time to take his squire to a healer. He lifted her limp body and carried her to the healers' tent. The whole way he couldn't resist to look at her face. _She has such beautiful eyes, _he thought, _Wait! Did I just call her beautiful? No, she's my squire, my friend. I'm definitely not in love with her. _

For him, it was dangerous to be in love. Love made people do silly things and make the wrong decisions. Jonathan liked it when he could control everything. He wanted everything to be in its place. And love…. love was something he couldn't control. Love could make people go insane and weak. He couldn't allow himself to fall in love. He couldn't let a woman become the most important thing in his life. He just couldn't… for the sake of the kingdom and also for his own sake. One day he would probably marry a woman whom he didn't love, maybe one he didn't even like. It would make all more complicated and more painful if he was in love with someone else already.

Jonathan shook his head at his own thoughts. _Why bother?_ he thought, _Anyway I'm not in love with her…_But if he wasn't in love with her why did he keep looking at her dreamily?

Finally he reached the healers' tent. Duke Baird informed him that 'Alan' would get well and that he could leave now. How relieved Jonathan was. But still … he wanted to stay with his squire and wait until she would wake up no matter how long it would take. But he didn't admit it…neither in front of himself nor in front of Duke Baird

He walked away, entered his tent and tried to sleep, but he couldn't. His thoughts were wandering back to his red-haired squire and Jonathan couldn't do anything against it. He didn't understand these weird and foreign feelings. They weren't the same feelings as the ones he had had for the court-beauty Delia. Of course, Delia was stunning, he couldn't deny that. And the nights with her had been breathtaking, but that was the end of it. There had been nothing for them to talk about and she had never made him laugh like Alanna did.

Because she had never seemed to be interested in him as a person. And now that Jonathan thought about it he had to admit that he hadn't been interested in her as a person, either. Yes, he had had a crush on her, but as quickly as she had fascinated him as quickly he got tired of her now.

Somehow he regretted his love affair with the green-eyed lady, but still he wondered where that came from.

After long hours of arguing with himself, Jonathan finally fell asleep. But that didn't really help. What did he see in his dreams? A pair of purple eyes….

* * *

Thanks for encouraging me so much with you nice reviews. I decided to continue. But that may take a while because it's hard to write a long chapter just about feelings. But I guess the next chapter will come by next week. 


End file.
